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I need your love, is that true? Approval seeking?

Updated: 3 days ago

A few months ago, I had an AHA moment! I was driving to a class and listening Byron Katie's book (thanks to Audible), it's called 'I need your love, is that true?'.

She explores the ideas of shedding light and truth on our thoughts. To open them up and ask ourselves, is it true? I looked at my current relationships with family, friends and even myself. I thought of my recurrent behaviors and all the ways I have needed people so I can 'feel loved'. There it was, in plain sight. I need other people to like or even better, love me, so I can feel loved. Is that true? In that moment, I decided, I am going to love my self whether anyone else does or not. I gave myself permission to love and simply, be me.

I am free

to be me

I feel liberated, free from a burden I didn't know I carried and I can smile and say 'I will NEVER go back!!!'


So from that moment on, I have made that choice. I love who am I becoming, I am grateful for my trials, they keep be evolving into who was sent here to be. Byron Katie said "Your most intimate relationship is the one you have with your thoughts." I love this! Be kind and choose love.

"It's not your job to like me, it's mine." Byron Katie

I value others opinions and am grateful for their love but I don't need their approval.

I have mine.

This marries so perfectly with Brene Brown's teachings in 'Daring Greatly'. Her whole book is based on the quote by Theadore Roosevelt that says; "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

Oh I love it I love it I love it! I went into a kind of hibernation about 6 months ago. I needed to be OK with 'being in the arena', then to figure out who was in there with me and were just the critics. It doesn't take long you know, to see who is standing next to you fighting their own battles and who isn't even aware there is an arena or if they do, want step in. It has multiplied my love for just about every one, including myself.

Jonny and I sat down this week, tired from the day's work and I felt like I was going to burst. I told him my aspirations again but this time it felt different. It was different, I even called it out. 'I'm not scared and I'm not embarrassed to say it all!' I wasn't asking for his help or permission, I was simply sharing a part of myself, a part I love and accept and expected nothing in return. I told him I finally understand that for all the people who make comments and raise eyebrows, it's OK! That's their journey and they either aren't in the arena or have stepped out for a time (as we all do)! For those who love, build and support, they are the one's standing next to me, in the arena with their own worthy cause, striving to do their deeds with devotion, enthusiasm and victory! I'm a visual learner so thinking of this way really helped me.

Again, Byron Katie asked us to question each thought and ask 'Do I absolutely know that this is true?' and then 'How do I feel without the thought?' I invite you to do the same. It's incredibly liberating! Choose love. Choose light. Choose peace. Choose forgiveness. Choose you.

Cassie x

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